bantha_fodder (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bantha_fodder) wrote2006-03-10 01:26 pm
bantha_fodder) wrote2006-03-10 01:26 pm
[fic] try to break [stealth] [kara and ben]
Try to Break, by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bantha_fodder
Stealth, Kara and Ben ZOMG, rated Adult.
Thanks tomorwen_peredhil. This piece of fiction (the characters of which I do not own) is the fault of meyerlemon.
***
They hold their own wake, of a sort, in a bar in some port in Australia. Just this once, they match each other shot for shot, and when Kara sets her head down on the bar she looks up at him and meets his eyes.
"We're two," she says, and rests a hand on his arm. "So you can't ever leave."
Ben shakes his head. If she weren't so drunk she'd never say it, and he's not going to take advantage of that. "I won't leave," he says, a soft grin on his face. They are silent for a moment, and as the silence draws out he shifts on the stool and breaks eye contact. "I've never been to Australia before," he says, and slides off the stool. "I'm thinking of going to check out the nightlife."
He leaves her there, her sad little face pressed against the bar, and hates himself.
*
After he leaves, Kara keeps drinking at the bar. There are other dead to mourn, and she is not so addled, not so hopelessly in love, that she cannot mourn them on her own. She drinks for Henry, and she drinks for Edi, and she wonders how she will be judged, drinking alone at a bar during R & R. No easy fuck in every port for this sailor, and she knows it shows.
A man slides onto the stool beside her. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asks, and she's surprised when his voice is American.
"You're not a sailor, are you?" she asks, and when he shakes his head she smiles at him and his pretty blue eyes.
One is a prime number, too.
*
He picks up a brunette, and he fucks her against a wall round the back of a club.
Of course he does.
*
She wakes up with a hangover and the knowledge that she turned a cute American down. She groans and rolls over; buries her head beneath her pillow and berates herself. "Way to get over him, Kara," she says aloud to the empty room, and wonders when she decided to try and get over him.
She wastes her last day of R & R shopping and getting sunburnt, and steps back on deck a good two hours before she's due. She showers and tidies, and by the time Ben knocks on her door she's at her desk, studying.
"Is this what you did all day?" he asks, and when she meets his gaze he flinches.
"Yeah," she lies, and leans back. "Did you have fun?" she asks, and the whistle blows.
He does not answer her.
*
They fly most days, drop bombs into countries they know nothing about and play tag with one another through the sky. Two is not enough for a squadron, but they fly circles around anyone the brass sends to join them, and the new guys never last, so.
It's better that way, he thinks, and keeps flying.
On the deck his legs shake and the grin on his face is permanent. Kara walks half a step ahead of him, and he is careful not to watch the line of her jaw or the way her uniform curves around her body.
He knocks on her door more days than he does not, and always waits for an answer. He does not need to see her naked.
She sits at her desk, and he lounges on her bunk as she types. He flips through a magazine.
"What's with the glossy?" Ben asks, and reads about Jen's hairstyles through the ages. Like Kara cares about this crap.
"Something to do when I'm alone," she says.
"You're never alone," he says without thinking. "Didn't I say I'd never leave you?"
The room is silent, and he realizes what he's said. "Ooh, sex tips," he says, to fill the silence. Kara laughs.
"Like you need those."
"Oh," he says. "I'm always willing to improve my technique." He grins at her, and she grins back.
When she bites her lip, his heart jumps. He stands. "I should go," he says. "If you're going to be the best, I'd better leave you to your studying." Ben pauses by her shoulder, and she looks up at him.
"I notice you never study," she says.
"I do," he protests, and waves the fashion magazine in his hand before he drops it on her bunk.
"Oh sure," she says. "Like that's anything new to you."
Ben puts his hand on her door. "Seriously, Kara. You're going to be the best someday. I shouldn't distract you from that."
He shuts the door as he goes.
If he doesn't get to distract her, neither does anyone else.
*
She nearly dies.
North Korea was an experience, she says when the Navy makes her talk to a psych. But it's an experience she cannot talk about with anyone but the psych, and she hates that her life is classified.
So she goes on another mission, and her bird sustains damage. The bird she flies is nothing like the Talons she is used to, and she banks too hard, relies too much on what she used to be able to do, and she nearly dies.
She spends three weeks in the infirmary, and the Captain is kind; he respects her request to remain on the Abraham Lincoln. She gets away with not having her parents know because she lists Ben as her emergency contact.
"I'd better be the sole beneficiary of your will," he says when he finds out, and squeezes her arm.
*
When she sleeps, all tucked up in that infirmary bed with bandages down her side, he softly kisses her forehead.
It is all he allows himself.
*
When the new Talons arrive, Kara and Ben have to be ordered out of the cockpits.
They do a fly over for Henry, and Cummings doesn't even yell at them.
She's grateful.
*
He lounges on her bunk. She bounces on the fitball, and reaches out a hand to steady herself.
Her hand is warm on his skin, and she meets his eyes.
"So," she says.
"So," he replies, and the silence draws out.
"We're in port today," she says, and he nods. She draws a deep breath and continues. "We're in port," she says. "And I know there are rules about this sort of thing, but if you wanted to, we could hang out."
He blinks. "We always hang out, Kara," he says, and thinks he knows where this is heading.
"No," she says, "I mean, if you're interested we could hang out, like, on a date."
He holds himself very still, and feels her heart racing through her hand still resting on his arm. "I don't." He starts. He pushes to his feet. "I don't think so," he says, and she coughs.
"Okay," she says, and he's not sure she could get any further away from him in her tiny little room.
"I should go." She nods.
"Yeah," she says.
"Mañana," he says, and the missing word hurts.
It's for the best.
*
She thinks about not leaving the carrier, but she gets kicked off.
She takes up residence in the hotel bar, and gets hit on three times.
She rejects them all, and her heart still aches.
*
Another port, another bar, and he loves the way they all blur together. He gets hit on by a tall, leggy blonde, and gratefully loses himself in her.
It's not the same, and he tries not to imagine Kara's face.
He's had a lot of practice, but this time he's spectacularly unsuccessful, and when he says Kara's name the blonde slaps him and leaves him there, pants around his ankles. He laughs because it's so stupid, and hates himself.
Hates the Navy, too.
*
Kara sits on a couch in the lobby of the hotel, and flips through yet another glossy magazine. This one's in some language she can't read, but she figures she can learn something just by looking at the pictures.
After all, the women Ben fucks can't read either, and he still wants them.
"Kara," he says, and she looks up.
"It's not even midnight," she says, bitterly. "Shouldn't you be out partying?"
"If I should be out, why are you here?" he asks. "You're no Cinderella."
"No," she replies. "If I were, maybe someone would want to dance with me."
"Look," he says, and sits down opposite her. "You are my friend. And my wingman. And you just." He shakes his head. "That can't change. What we have won't change."
She feels like there are butterflies in her stomach. "I get it, okay? You don't have to explain." She pushes herself to her feet. "And you shouldn't have come back. You're wasting valuable whoring time."
"No," he says, angrily. "I don't think you do."
"I do get it. You know what you want, and it's not." She pauses. "It's nothing that you have, and it's nothing that's here. And we should just. Can we stop talking about this now?" She walks towards the elevators. "Have a nice night," she says, over her shoulder.
"For fuck's sake," Ben says, and stands. "Are you not listening to me?" He spins her around and when she looks at his face she takes a step back.
"I'm listening to you," she snaps. "And I'm done."
"No," he says, and his voice is low, and he takes another step towards her. She steps back again, back and back until it's just her and a wall and a stupid palm tree and him, anger on his face and something else. He leans forward, his hands on the wall on either side of her head. His breath is hot in her ear as he speaks, and his voice is gravelly. "No, you're not. Is that what you think? That I don't want you?"
"It's a fact," Kara says, and feels a lot less confident than she did when she was sitting on the couch, a cocktail in her hand.
"I can't," Ben starts, and stops.
He holds a hand to her cheek, and his hand is warm and a little rough, and she thinks, Oh.
Their pagers beep.
*
It's quiet, after that. No terrorists to bomb and no nations to spy on, and the only time Ben talks to Kara is when they're in the cockpit, so.
She knocks on his door, and he watches the sweat glistening on her shoulder as she talks. "I'm going home for Thanksgiving," she says.
"But it's Henry's turn," he says, before he remembers.
It's last minute, but Cummings grants him the leave anyway.
*
Her parents are asleep, and she's packing to ship back out in the morning. Stomach full of turkey and the most delicious pumpkin pie, she hears his footsteps long before she sees him.
She meets him on the porch. "What are you doing here?" she whispers.
He shrugs and lists to the side. He's a little drunk. "Visiting you? I've never met your parents."
"You have," she says, and loops his arm around her shoulders. "And you're not meeting them again tonight. I'll take you home."
In the car he rambles and gives directions, and they pull up in front of some motel. "Okay," she says. "I'll see you in the morning."
He rests his head back and smiles at her. "I don't think I can leave you," he says, and she frowns at him even as her heart jumps. She helps him inside and when he sits down on his bed he tugs her down with him.
"What are you doing?"
"Giving thanks," he says, and kisses her.
She kisses him back, and it's all soft and sloppy and when he bites her lip and strokes his hand down her side she remembers why she's here in the first place. She pushes him away.
"We need to stop," she says.
He shakes his head. "We don't," he says. "Please." He looks so sad that she kisses him again, and when he falls backwards onto the bed she falls with him.
*
When he wakes, the sunlight is streaming through the curtains. "I'm sorry," Kara says.
"I'm not," Ben replies, and kisses her shoulder. "But you should go. We ship out soon."
She climbs out of the bed, and when she smiles at him his heart breaks.
"Mañana, Chica," he says as she swings the door closed, and he knows he lies.
*
The Abraham Lincoln leaves port, and when she knocks on Ben's door a stranger answers.
"Wade," says Cummings, on the deck. "Congratulations on the promotion. Gannon recommended you especially."
This is how she learns of Ben's transfer, and she hates him.
She accepts the promotion.
Of course she does.
END
bantha_fodderStealth, Kara and Ben ZOMG, rated Adult.
Thanks to
morwen_peredhil. This piece of fiction (the characters of which I do not own) is the fault of meyerlemon.***
They hold their own wake, of a sort, in a bar in some port in Australia. Just this once, they match each other shot for shot, and when Kara sets her head down on the bar she looks up at him and meets his eyes.
"We're two," she says, and rests a hand on his arm. "So you can't ever leave."
Ben shakes his head. If she weren't so drunk she'd never say it, and he's not going to take advantage of that. "I won't leave," he says, a soft grin on his face. They are silent for a moment, and as the silence draws out he shifts on the stool and breaks eye contact. "I've never been to Australia before," he says, and slides off the stool. "I'm thinking of going to check out the nightlife."
He leaves her there, her sad little face pressed against the bar, and hates himself.
*
After he leaves, Kara keeps drinking at the bar. There are other dead to mourn, and she is not so addled, not so hopelessly in love, that she cannot mourn them on her own. She drinks for Henry, and she drinks for Edi, and she wonders how she will be judged, drinking alone at a bar during R & R. No easy fuck in every port for this sailor, and she knows it shows.
A man slides onto the stool beside her. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asks, and she's surprised when his voice is American.
"You're not a sailor, are you?" she asks, and when he shakes his head she smiles at him and his pretty blue eyes.
One is a prime number, too.
*
He picks up a brunette, and he fucks her against a wall round the back of a club.
Of course he does.
*
She wakes up with a hangover and the knowledge that she turned a cute American down. She groans and rolls over; buries her head beneath her pillow and berates herself. "Way to get over him, Kara," she says aloud to the empty room, and wonders when she decided to try and get over him.
She wastes her last day of R & R shopping and getting sunburnt, and steps back on deck a good two hours before she's due. She showers and tidies, and by the time Ben knocks on her door she's at her desk, studying.
"Is this what you did all day?" he asks, and when she meets his gaze he flinches.
"Yeah," she lies, and leans back. "Did you have fun?" she asks, and the whistle blows.
He does not answer her.
*
They fly most days, drop bombs into countries they know nothing about and play tag with one another through the sky. Two is not enough for a squadron, but they fly circles around anyone the brass sends to join them, and the new guys never last, so.
It's better that way, he thinks, and keeps flying.
On the deck his legs shake and the grin on his face is permanent. Kara walks half a step ahead of him, and he is careful not to watch the line of her jaw or the way her uniform curves around her body.
He knocks on her door more days than he does not, and always waits for an answer. He does not need to see her naked.
She sits at her desk, and he lounges on her bunk as she types. He flips through a magazine.
"What's with the glossy?" Ben asks, and reads about Jen's hairstyles through the ages. Like Kara cares about this crap.
"Something to do when I'm alone," she says.
"You're never alone," he says without thinking. "Didn't I say I'd never leave you?"
The room is silent, and he realizes what he's said. "Ooh, sex tips," he says, to fill the silence. Kara laughs.
"Like you need those."
"Oh," he says. "I'm always willing to improve my technique." He grins at her, and she grins back.
When she bites her lip, his heart jumps. He stands. "I should go," he says. "If you're going to be the best, I'd better leave you to your studying." Ben pauses by her shoulder, and she looks up at him.
"I notice you never study," she says.
"I do," he protests, and waves the fashion magazine in his hand before he drops it on her bunk.
"Oh sure," she says. "Like that's anything new to you."
Ben puts his hand on her door. "Seriously, Kara. You're going to be the best someday. I shouldn't distract you from that."
He shuts the door as he goes.
If he doesn't get to distract her, neither does anyone else.
*
She nearly dies.
North Korea was an experience, she says when the Navy makes her talk to a psych. But it's an experience she cannot talk about with anyone but the psych, and she hates that her life is classified.
So she goes on another mission, and her bird sustains damage. The bird she flies is nothing like the Talons she is used to, and she banks too hard, relies too much on what she used to be able to do, and she nearly dies.
She spends three weeks in the infirmary, and the Captain is kind; he respects her request to remain on the Abraham Lincoln. She gets away with not having her parents know because she lists Ben as her emergency contact.
"I'd better be the sole beneficiary of your will," he says when he finds out, and squeezes her arm.
*
When she sleeps, all tucked up in that infirmary bed with bandages down her side, he softly kisses her forehead.
It is all he allows himself.
*
When the new Talons arrive, Kara and Ben have to be ordered out of the cockpits.
They do a fly over for Henry, and Cummings doesn't even yell at them.
She's grateful.
*
He lounges on her bunk. She bounces on the fitball, and reaches out a hand to steady herself.
Her hand is warm on his skin, and she meets his eyes.
"So," she says.
"So," he replies, and the silence draws out.
"We're in port today," she says, and he nods. She draws a deep breath and continues. "We're in port," she says. "And I know there are rules about this sort of thing, but if you wanted to, we could hang out."
He blinks. "We always hang out, Kara," he says, and thinks he knows where this is heading.
"No," she says, "I mean, if you're interested we could hang out, like, on a date."
He holds himself very still, and feels her heart racing through her hand still resting on his arm. "I don't." He starts. He pushes to his feet. "I don't think so," he says, and she coughs.
"Okay," she says, and he's not sure she could get any further away from him in her tiny little room.
"I should go." She nods.
"Yeah," she says.
"Mañana," he says, and the missing word hurts.
It's for the best.
*
She thinks about not leaving the carrier, but she gets kicked off.
She takes up residence in the hotel bar, and gets hit on three times.
She rejects them all, and her heart still aches.
*
Another port, another bar, and he loves the way they all blur together. He gets hit on by a tall, leggy blonde, and gratefully loses himself in her.
It's not the same, and he tries not to imagine Kara's face.
He's had a lot of practice, but this time he's spectacularly unsuccessful, and when he says Kara's name the blonde slaps him and leaves him there, pants around his ankles. He laughs because it's so stupid, and hates himself.
Hates the Navy, too.
*
Kara sits on a couch in the lobby of the hotel, and flips through yet another glossy magazine. This one's in some language she can't read, but she figures she can learn something just by looking at the pictures.
After all, the women Ben fucks can't read either, and he still wants them.
"Kara," he says, and she looks up.
"It's not even midnight," she says, bitterly. "Shouldn't you be out partying?"
"If I should be out, why are you here?" he asks. "You're no Cinderella."
"No," she replies. "If I were, maybe someone would want to dance with me."
"Look," he says, and sits down opposite her. "You are my friend. And my wingman. And you just." He shakes his head. "That can't change. What we have won't change."
She feels like there are butterflies in her stomach. "I get it, okay? You don't have to explain." She pushes herself to her feet. "And you shouldn't have come back. You're wasting valuable whoring time."
"No," he says, angrily. "I don't think you do."
"I do get it. You know what you want, and it's not." She pauses. "It's nothing that you have, and it's nothing that's here. And we should just. Can we stop talking about this now?" She walks towards the elevators. "Have a nice night," she says, over her shoulder.
"For fuck's sake," Ben says, and stands. "Are you not listening to me?" He spins her around and when she looks at his face she takes a step back.
"I'm listening to you," she snaps. "And I'm done."
"No," he says, and his voice is low, and he takes another step towards her. She steps back again, back and back until it's just her and a wall and a stupid palm tree and him, anger on his face and something else. He leans forward, his hands on the wall on either side of her head. His breath is hot in her ear as he speaks, and his voice is gravelly. "No, you're not. Is that what you think? That I don't want you?"
"It's a fact," Kara says, and feels a lot less confident than she did when she was sitting on the couch, a cocktail in her hand.
"I can't," Ben starts, and stops.
He holds a hand to her cheek, and his hand is warm and a little rough, and she thinks, Oh.
Their pagers beep.
*
It's quiet, after that. No terrorists to bomb and no nations to spy on, and the only time Ben talks to Kara is when they're in the cockpit, so.
She knocks on his door, and he watches the sweat glistening on her shoulder as she talks. "I'm going home for Thanksgiving," she says.
"But it's Henry's turn," he says, before he remembers.
It's last minute, but Cummings grants him the leave anyway.
*
Her parents are asleep, and she's packing to ship back out in the morning. Stomach full of turkey and the most delicious pumpkin pie, she hears his footsteps long before she sees him.
She meets him on the porch. "What are you doing here?" she whispers.
He shrugs and lists to the side. He's a little drunk. "Visiting you? I've never met your parents."
"You have," she says, and loops his arm around her shoulders. "And you're not meeting them again tonight. I'll take you home."
In the car he rambles and gives directions, and they pull up in front of some motel. "Okay," she says. "I'll see you in the morning."
He rests his head back and smiles at her. "I don't think I can leave you," he says, and she frowns at him even as her heart jumps. She helps him inside and when he sits down on his bed he tugs her down with him.
"What are you doing?"
"Giving thanks," he says, and kisses her.
She kisses him back, and it's all soft and sloppy and when he bites her lip and strokes his hand down her side she remembers why she's here in the first place. She pushes him away.
"We need to stop," she says.
He shakes his head. "We don't," he says. "Please." He looks so sad that she kisses him again, and when he falls backwards onto the bed she falls with him.
*
When he wakes, the sunlight is streaming through the curtains. "I'm sorry," Kara says.
"I'm not," Ben replies, and kisses her shoulder. "But you should go. We ship out soon."
She climbs out of the bed, and when she smiles at him his heart breaks.
"Mañana, Chica," he says as she swings the door closed, and he knows he lies.
*
The Abraham Lincoln leaves port, and when she knocks on Ben's door a stranger answers.
"Wade," says Cummings, on the deck. "Congratulations on the promotion. Gannon recommended you especially."
This is how she learns of Ben's transfer, and she hates him.
She accepts the promotion.
Of course she does.
END
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Ooof.
I really want to see this movie again now.
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I need to read this a bunch more times and then I'll have something coherent to say.
OMG!!!!
SIGH. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.
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I'm SO GLAD that you are speechless. It means you liked it!
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Sigh.
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He holds a hand to her cheek, and his hand is warm and a little rough, and she thinks, Oh.
OMG. This makes me very flaily, but in a really excellent way.
Thank you for writing this fic. This is exactly what I needed after finishing the movie :)
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YARGH.
"I do get it. You know what you want, and it's not." She pauses. "It's nothing that you have, and it's nothing that's here. And we should just. Can we stop talking about this now?"
I really like here how she keeps rephrasing what she's saying into the abstract--it's a very true rendition of how one tries to sort of push hard things to say into the impersonal realm.
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I'm glad it works for you - I was having such a hard time trying to put that speechlessness into words. Because DUH.
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I love every single part of this. With the hotness, and the angst, and REPRESSION YAY. Yes.
Sigh!
*snuggles fic*
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If I end up writing fic for this movie I will never respect myself again.
Dammit.
(You're totally writing sekrit Mary Sue fic about Ben manwhoring around the ports of Australia, aren't you? I KNEW IT. Tut tut.)
:D