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bantha_foddernaked bathtub goldfish by pen
SyFy Alice / The Pretender, PG with swearing (uh, hello, Miss Parker's in it)
Thanks to Sloane.
This is a thing I wrote for some girl I met on the internets, you might know her as PIECESOFALICE. <3
***
Jack's phone beeps. RUN, he reads, and he knows what he has to do.
He slips the ring from his pocket. "Alice, darling," he says. "Will you marry me?" Her look says it all; she blushes and makes an excuse, but Jack knows the truth: he took a chance, and he lost.
He slips the ring into her pocket as he kisses her goodbye. Hands free, he closes the door behind him and dashes quickly around the corner; prepares to run.
"Oh, Jack," he hears, and the kiss of the gun is cold against his jaw. "Darling." He turns, and Parker's grin is bright and clear under the streetlights.
He took a chance, and he lost.
**
Alice runs after Jack; watches as he is bundled into a black car. A woman lights up a cigarette; slides into the car beside Jack and pulls the door shut. "Jack!" she yells, and is silenced by a hand over her mouth. She grips the wrist and flips; the wrist goes flying, and the man attached lands on his feet.
"What are you doing?" she yells.
"They'll hear you," he says, his finger extended, indicating she should hush.
She'll do no such thing.
"I want them to hear me," she yells, even louder than before, and the dude winces. She makes a run for it; goes sprawling in the mud as he tackles her to the ground. She struggles, but she follows his pointed finger and together they watch as the black car speeds away. The woman blows smoke out the window and winds it closed.
"I thought she quit," her unfortunate attacker comments, almost absently, almost sadly. She pushes him away.
"What is your problem?" Alice clambers to her feet.
"You can't save him that way," he says. "You have to come with me."
"Yeah, right," she scoffs, but he replies with, "Jack wasn't who you thought he was," and he reaches for the ring still hidden in her pocket like he didn't ever doubt it was there. In the moonlight, the ring glints, and she supposes maybe she can at least hear what he has to say.
**
She follows Jarod through the mirror. Why wouldn't she?
**
The limo cruises through Wonderland. "How do you get the car through the Looking Glass?" Jack asks. She rolls her eyes. Like she gives a fuck how the geeks do things. She thinks about pushing him out of the car. She's sure there's a cliff around here somewhere. Hearts roll, right?
"People pay the Centre a lot of money to get things done," she says, instead. "So we get things done."
"Like bringing me back?" Jack asks.
Parker grins. "You could call it my speciality," she says.
He looks out the window, doesn't even try to escape.
What a loser.
**
"Wait here," Jarod says, but Alice is hardly some damsel in distress, and when his back is turned she peers through doors and gaps. The walls are filled with sleeping people, but when she gasps, they don't awaken.
She gasps again, the door closes behind her. The walls shake. She pushes and pushes, feet against the walls and the ceiling and the floor, and eventually she shakes herself loose, goes tumbling to the water below.
"Oh great," she thinks she hears, but she's too busy falling to see the splash Jarod makes as he dives in beside her.
**
"Can you not do what I say?" Jarod asks, and despite her chattering teeth, Alice just frowns at him. He's got her this far, but screw him if he thinks she's helplessly going to wander around some foreign land.
"Well," he says into her silence. "I found my friend."
If she didn't know better, she'd say he was sulking.
**
Hatter is shifty-eyed and clearly ridiculous, but she warily follows where he leads.
He leads them down a ladder, and across a precipice, and she fucking hates this place.
No, seriously.
**
In the palace, the Queen reaches for the ring. Her smile dims as she opens the box to reveal a distinct lack of ring. "What is this?" she demands. She throws the empty box at Jack's chest. "Where is the ring?" she asks Parker. Parker shrugs. "You have let me down! Off with her head!"
Parker pauses mid-inhale. "That's not a good idea," she says, and meets the Queen's eyes.
The Queen looks away first.
"Off with his head!" she declares, pointing, and the White Rabbit is dragged away, protesting.
Well, thinks Parker, what a fucking waste. Of time, of resources, of effort. She considers contacting her father, but he'll merely scold her for not doing her job.
She goes to find the ring.
And hopefully Jarod.
**
They're on the run, and Alice is pretty sure it's Hatter's fault. He's shifty-eyed and kind of dodgy, and she's worked out her worth as an Oyster - maybe he's dobbed them in.
"I haven't given you up to the Suits, okay?" he yells, when she looks at him sideways. She didn't realise she was that obvious, or maybe he's just guilty anyway.
"How do we know that?" Alice asks. "We were doing fine until you came along."
"Well maybe you should ask Jarod that, seeing as he's the one who brought you to me."
She turns to look at Jarod, and he just shrugs. "Hatter's a good man in a pinch," he says. "And he knows his way around."
"Oh and like you don't," Hatter replies. "Okay, I think this is it." He knocks twice, and gets a gun shoved into his face for his troubles.
"This is familiar," Jarod comments.
**
Overhead, she hears a helicopter. Jarod ducks, but she pauses - what if it's Jack? She looks into the distance, and when she looks down, a tattoo curls across her arm. Hatter pulls her down.
"Well, this is just great," he says.
"What the hell is going on?!" Alice is sick of this, she just wants to find Jack and go home. Can she do that? She asks, and Hatter frowns.
"You're awfully set on this Jack," he says. "Would he risk himself for you?"
"Of course he would," she says, and stands up. "Let's get going."
Hatter leads the way, and Jarod follows behind. He's quiet, but she supposes that's just Jarod's way.
She wonders where Jarod's tattoo is.
If he's even got one.
**
Alice wonders.
**
Duchess crouches down. "Darling," she says. "Why wouldn't you bring me the ring?"
"It's not really yours," Jack says.
"Well, it's not really yours either, is it?" she snaps back. "And now you've only gone and lost it."
"It's not lost," Jack says, and Duchess shakes her head. Like he really knows, poor boy.
**
In the distance, she thinks she sees a familiar silhouette. She taps Jarod on the shoulder. "Is that-" she starts, and he pulls her around the corner.
"Yeah," he says, "it is."
The pounding of stilettos on stone rings out behind them as they run.
**
Parker follows the clues Jarod drops. On the fucking run, and he can't help but drop hints; can't help but prove he's the smarter one.
What does he think she's been doing? She's just as good as he is.
**
They run, and they meet some people, and they run some more, and eventually they stop. "This is our last chance," Hatter says. Alice rolls her eyes.
"What do you mean, this is our last chance?" Alice asks.
"Just that," says Hatter. "I've got no other way of working out where your Jack is, short of going to the palace and tracking down a Suit." He pushes, and the door swings open. They step inside. The foyer is wide, and beautiful, and empty.
Miss Parker steps into view, tilts her head. "Why hello there," she says, and her shit-eating grin is wide and cheerful.
"Oh," Jarod says, and Alice frowns. Hatter steps forward, like maybe he's trying to protect her.
She suspects this is not great.
Miss Parker winks, her gun loose in her hand.
Oh yeah. Definitely not good.
Miss Parker wraps her hand around Jarod's wrist; kicks the door closed.
**
They end up in the palace, and it's nothing like Alice expects.
But then, it never is.
END
OH WOW SO I JUST REALISED THAT "She follows Jarod through the mirror. Why wouldn't she?" is EXACTLY the line I would use if I wrote this a different way, and it was Miss Parker following Jarod accidentally through the mirror. I AM JUST SAYING.
OH JAROD/MISS P, I SMUSH YOUR LITTLE FACES TOGETHER.
FOREVER.
SyFy Alice / The Pretender, PG with swearing (uh, hello, Miss Parker's in it)
Thanks to Sloane.
This is a thing I wrote for some girl I met on the internets, you might know her as PIECESOFALICE. <3
***
Jack's phone beeps. RUN, he reads, and he knows what he has to do.
He slips the ring from his pocket. "Alice, darling," he says. "Will you marry me?" Her look says it all; she blushes and makes an excuse, but Jack knows the truth: he took a chance, and he lost.
He slips the ring into her pocket as he kisses her goodbye. Hands free, he closes the door behind him and dashes quickly around the corner; prepares to run.
"Oh, Jack," he hears, and the kiss of the gun is cold against his jaw. "Darling." He turns, and Parker's grin is bright and clear under the streetlights.
He took a chance, and he lost.
**
Alice runs after Jack; watches as he is bundled into a black car. A woman lights up a cigarette; slides into the car beside Jack and pulls the door shut. "Jack!" she yells, and is silenced by a hand over her mouth. She grips the wrist and flips; the wrist goes flying, and the man attached lands on his feet.
"What are you doing?" she yells.
"They'll hear you," he says, his finger extended, indicating she should hush.
She'll do no such thing.
"I want them to hear me," she yells, even louder than before, and the dude winces. She makes a run for it; goes sprawling in the mud as he tackles her to the ground. She struggles, but she follows his pointed finger and together they watch as the black car speeds away. The woman blows smoke out the window and winds it closed.
"I thought she quit," her unfortunate attacker comments, almost absently, almost sadly. She pushes him away.
"What is your problem?" Alice clambers to her feet.
"You can't save him that way," he says. "You have to come with me."
"Yeah, right," she scoffs, but he replies with, "Jack wasn't who you thought he was," and he reaches for the ring still hidden in her pocket like he didn't ever doubt it was there. In the moonlight, the ring glints, and she supposes maybe she can at least hear what he has to say.
**
She follows Jarod through the mirror. Why wouldn't she?
**
The limo cruises through Wonderland. "How do you get the car through the Looking Glass?" Jack asks. She rolls her eyes. Like she gives a fuck how the geeks do things. She thinks about pushing him out of the car. She's sure there's a cliff around here somewhere. Hearts roll, right?
"People pay the Centre a lot of money to get things done," she says, instead. "So we get things done."
"Like bringing me back?" Jack asks.
Parker grins. "You could call it my speciality," she says.
He looks out the window, doesn't even try to escape.
What a loser.
**
"Wait here," Jarod says, but Alice is hardly some damsel in distress, and when his back is turned she peers through doors and gaps. The walls are filled with sleeping people, but when she gasps, they don't awaken.
She gasps again, the door closes behind her. The walls shake. She pushes and pushes, feet against the walls and the ceiling and the floor, and eventually she shakes herself loose, goes tumbling to the water below.
"Oh great," she thinks she hears, but she's too busy falling to see the splash Jarod makes as he dives in beside her.
**
"Can you not do what I say?" Jarod asks, and despite her chattering teeth, Alice just frowns at him. He's got her this far, but screw him if he thinks she's helplessly going to wander around some foreign land.
"Well," he says into her silence. "I found my friend."
If she didn't know better, she'd say he was sulking.
**
Hatter is shifty-eyed and clearly ridiculous, but she warily follows where he leads.
He leads them down a ladder, and across a precipice, and she fucking hates this place.
No, seriously.
**
In the palace, the Queen reaches for the ring. Her smile dims as she opens the box to reveal a distinct lack of ring. "What is this?" she demands. She throws the empty box at Jack's chest. "Where is the ring?" she asks Parker. Parker shrugs. "You have let me down! Off with her head!"
Parker pauses mid-inhale. "That's not a good idea," she says, and meets the Queen's eyes.
The Queen looks away first.
"Off with his head!" she declares, pointing, and the White Rabbit is dragged away, protesting.
Well, thinks Parker, what a fucking waste. Of time, of resources, of effort. She considers contacting her father, but he'll merely scold her for not doing her job.
She goes to find the ring.
And hopefully Jarod.
**
They're on the run, and Alice is pretty sure it's Hatter's fault. He's shifty-eyed and kind of dodgy, and she's worked out her worth as an Oyster - maybe he's dobbed them in.
"I haven't given you up to the Suits, okay?" he yells, when she looks at him sideways. She didn't realise she was that obvious, or maybe he's just guilty anyway.
"How do we know that?" Alice asks. "We were doing fine until you came along."
"Well maybe you should ask Jarod that, seeing as he's the one who brought you to me."
She turns to look at Jarod, and he just shrugs. "Hatter's a good man in a pinch," he says. "And he knows his way around."
"Oh and like you don't," Hatter replies. "Okay, I think this is it." He knocks twice, and gets a gun shoved into his face for his troubles.
"This is familiar," Jarod comments.
**
Overhead, she hears a helicopter. Jarod ducks, but she pauses - what if it's Jack? She looks into the distance, and when she looks down, a tattoo curls across her arm. Hatter pulls her down.
"Well, this is just great," he says.
"What the hell is going on?!" Alice is sick of this, she just wants to find Jack and go home. Can she do that? She asks, and Hatter frowns.
"You're awfully set on this Jack," he says. "Would he risk himself for you?"
"Of course he would," she says, and stands up. "Let's get going."
Hatter leads the way, and Jarod follows behind. He's quiet, but she supposes that's just Jarod's way.
She wonders where Jarod's tattoo is.
If he's even got one.
**
Alice wonders.
**
Duchess crouches down. "Darling," she says. "Why wouldn't you bring me the ring?"
"It's not really yours," Jack says.
"Well, it's not really yours either, is it?" she snaps back. "And now you've only gone and lost it."
"It's not lost," Jack says, and Duchess shakes her head. Like he really knows, poor boy.
**
In the distance, she thinks she sees a familiar silhouette. She taps Jarod on the shoulder. "Is that-" she starts, and he pulls her around the corner.
"Yeah," he says, "it is."
The pounding of stilettos on stone rings out behind them as they run.
**
Parker follows the clues Jarod drops. On the fucking run, and he can't help but drop hints; can't help but prove he's the smarter one.
What does he think she's been doing? She's just as good as he is.
**
They run, and they meet some people, and they run some more, and eventually they stop. "This is our last chance," Hatter says. Alice rolls her eyes.
"What do you mean, this is our last chance?" Alice asks.
"Just that," says Hatter. "I've got no other way of working out where your Jack is, short of going to the palace and tracking down a Suit." He pushes, and the door swings open. They step inside. The foyer is wide, and beautiful, and empty.
Miss Parker steps into view, tilts her head. "Why hello there," she says, and her shit-eating grin is wide and cheerful.
"Oh," Jarod says, and Alice frowns. Hatter steps forward, like maybe he's trying to protect her.
She suspects this is not great.
Miss Parker winks, her gun loose in her hand.
Oh yeah. Definitely not good.
Miss Parker wraps her hand around Jarod's wrist; kicks the door closed.
**
They end up in the palace, and it's nothing like Alice expects.
But then, it never is.
END
OH WOW SO I JUST REALISED THAT "She follows Jarod through the mirror. Why wouldn't she?" is EXACTLY the line I would use if I wrote this a different way, and it was Miss Parker following Jarod accidentally through the mirror. I AM JUST SAYING.
OH JAROD/MISS P, I SMUSH YOUR LITTLE FACES TOGETHER.
FOREVER.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 12:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 07:16 am (UTC)ALL OF THEM
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:19 am (UTC):D
:D
:D
:D
BEST EVER BIRTHDAY FIC EVER. EVER. EVEREVER. IT'S SO WONDERFUL I CAN'T EVEN
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:26 am (UTC)BECAUSE MISS PARKER, YOU KNOW
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:33 am (UTC)but now that I've written 'you know,' all I can think is 'we're not brother and sister, so we can still, you know' and laughing out loud.
THEY CAN STILL YOU KNOW.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:36 am (UTC)NO TOUCHING
you know
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-18 11:59 am (UTC)IS THAT OKAY?
WILL I GET KICKED OUT IF I WANT THEM TO TOUCH?
(oh man, that sounds dirty)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-20 03:44 am (UTC)Also, no one is cutting off Miss Parker's head. I love that.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 02:21 am (UTC)