'til suddenly you find his gun (some navel gazing/meta)

Permit me to navel-gaze, half-asleep on my couch.

I am ridiculously multifannish. I have a lot of difficulty giving all of my time and devotion to just one fandom, and I have a hard time picking between them but if I was going to pick my top three, it would be Narnia, the Pretender and Dune. I can go back to the source material again and again and be blown away, no matter how many times I've read or seen it; I always discover something new; it never fails to cheer me. There's a comfort there, in all three of those, in how awesome I find them and how well I know them, and even if I didn't get to do all the fannish things, writing fic and making icons, I'd still love them and reacquaint myself all the time. Yesterday I read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan for the first time, and I was filled with such unexpected longing (for the Narnia books), and thought of a million different things all at once.

Whenever a recs journal I admire (unfitforsociety, for example, or sarecs) makes a post about one of those three fandoms (Narnia, for the most part), my heart leaps a little, only to drop immediately afterwards when it's not something I've written that they're loving.

The Pretender and Dune are tiny, mostly dead fandoms, and until last year Narnia did not fare much better in terms of volume, and I've never expected to receive a million pieces of feedback for the things I've written. But I love Jarod and Miss Parker more than I love Kara and Lee, and I love the universe that Herbert created more than I love Rowling's universe, and so the few comments I receive when I write for the former means more to me than the latter, though I receive far more for BSG, and for HP. And I will always love HP, and I will always love BSG, but yes, I love my tiny fandoms more. And the words I write for them are words I spend more time crafting; I work harder and when I cut sentences and paragraphs the cuts hurt more, but when I'm done I love them ridiculous amounts.

All this is a very roundabout way of saying, I have made no secret in the past of the fact that I disapprove of anonymous memes in general, because I think that if you're willing to say something, you should be willing to put your face to it. However, yesterday I put my name down in QoT's journal, in order for nice things to be said to me. This was quite hypocritical of me! I have tried to host non-anonymous memes before, and perhaps it was me, or perhaps it was the lack of anonymity, but they didn't work.

The comments are here, if you're interested (you don't have to be).

I needed the loving, and it worked, because more than one person said something like, I want to read it even when I don't know the fandom; I just hope that when they read my fic they go, I want to learn more about that fandom, and then they do.

I'm sorry. I'll probably delete this in a bit, embarrassed by the rambling and the lack of point, but for now it can stay, because as embarrassed as I'll probably be later, these words are still true. I love my tiny fandoms, and as a result the feedback means more to me. And I wish more people loved my tiny fandoms.